(hurhur)
when i was about 16 or 17, i used to follow the amazing race with great plans for my own future: i wanted to travel, to see the world - and the fact that the person i was dating when i was 17 had these grand ideas about the world and how it was probably much better than silly, small ol' singapore probably had a big part to play in my desire to Grow Up and Get Out There.
although a part of me felt that i'd be extremely happy and contented just being in singapore, feeling sian and complaining about it day and night - but still being extremely happy and contented anyway.
AND SO. after much whining to jon, and some whining to chor, here it comes:
i'm not really enjoying myself in beijing. i don't want to be afraid to admit it any longer, and i'm just going to have to accept it - as will you. if you've been following my previous posts, you'll know that for me, the novelty of being in a new country wore off a couple of weeks ago. since then, i've had bouts of feeling Absolutely Miserable. i've been putting it down to the long distance between jon and myself, but i don't think i can do that any longer because it's not fair to us, not to him, or me.
the truth is, i'm just boring, and small-minded (EDIT: BUT NOT PETTY AND MEAN!), if you'd like to think of me that way; at this point in time i'd much rather be back in singapore ironing clothes and having driving lessons and being able to go out for a proper run whenever i want to, instead of having to skip in the lift lobby because it's too dusty outside.
i want to be able to eat as much as i want of my mother's good and healthy cooking, watch bad singapore tv, get annoyed at my dad for being so dad-like. i want to ask my grandmother how her day was, i want to nap on our worn faux leather sofa in our living room with no air-conditioning, and wake up feeling hot and sticky and irritated because hey, it's hot and sticky back in singapore and that kind of weather makes you feel irritated! i want to make fun of my brother and his cool new life in acjc - heck, i even want to be preparing for year 4 sem 1.
i won't go so far as to say that i'd much rather have been back in school for year 3 sem 2, bitching with everybody about assignments and exams, because the break from school was welcome, and today i studied for an exam i have next week and found it interesting. so there are good points about having come on exchange, see?
i miss my friends. cookies and cream ice cream at island creamery with the guys, drinks and a girly dressy night out with the law school girls just because we feel like it. movies with adele, baking, sunday mornings walking over to the ywca to steal abi's baked goods or just to see her. BAK CHOR MEE WITH JON. seeing the girls from my romans group at bsf on thursdays, even though we were split differently for matthew.
most of all, i want to feel happy just doing things like walking down the street, looking at the trees - the Everyday things. which i do enjoy doing alone here, but it's different, you know? i don't belong, not even with the others, no, not really.
somehow i think almost everyone (okay, not everyone, but it seems so. although i'm sure everyone's homesick to some extent) i know's been really excited about having the opportunity to travel and see new things - and i've just been too scared to admit that i'm not like that. all the things i've seen i've actually found Extremely Boring, and i think if mummy makes me visit the forbidden palace or other attractions with the family AGAIN when they come next week i will really just 吐血 (tu4 xue3 VOMIT BLOOD) for them to see. haha! i feel like i'm terribly uncultured but hey, that's just the way things are.
(in fact, i secretly think my mother will be extremely bored too, and she'd rather go check out groceries at wal-mart with me and exclaim over how cheap vegetables are downstairs. especially when the prices are converted back to singapore dollars...!)
seeing how other people live their lives has been interesting. letting them share a bit of themselves with you has been great. those have been the things i've enjoyed the most about travelling in china.
but when it comes down to it, THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME AND THIS IS NOT HOME. i am dying to go home and get on with my life in singapore.
i'll miss the girlfriends i've made in 政法 (zheng4 fa3) though.
after all, exchange hasn't been all that terrible. you'd have heard if i'd been driven to jump out the window already, right?
it's not even the inefficiency and sheer number of people, the lack of consideration for others which gets to me, really.
but there are things i know i came on exchange to learn. oh, not just about jon and myself. other things too. and that will be a story for tomorrow, perhaps. for now, i'm feeling much happier than i have for the past few days, weeks, and i think i'll be able to sleep better tonight as a result.
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE! indeed it does, and in all ways and senses of the phrase. nothing like God's wisdom for you.
although a part of me felt that i'd be extremely happy and contented just being in singapore, feeling sian and complaining about it day and night - but still being extremely happy and contented anyway.
AND SO. after much whining to jon, and some whining to chor, here it comes:
i'm not really enjoying myself in beijing. i don't want to be afraid to admit it any longer, and i'm just going to have to accept it - as will you. if you've been following my previous posts, you'll know that for me, the novelty of being in a new country wore off a couple of weeks ago. since then, i've had bouts of feeling Absolutely Miserable. i've been putting it down to the long distance between jon and myself, but i don't think i can do that any longer because it's not fair to us, not to him, or me.
the truth is, i'm just boring, and small-minded (EDIT: BUT NOT PETTY AND MEAN!), if you'd like to think of me that way; at this point in time i'd much rather be back in singapore ironing clothes and having driving lessons and being able to go out for a proper run whenever i want to, instead of having to skip in the lift lobby because it's too dusty outside.
i want to be able to eat as much as i want of my mother's good and healthy cooking, watch bad singapore tv, get annoyed at my dad for being so dad-like. i want to ask my grandmother how her day was, i want to nap on our worn faux leather sofa in our living room with no air-conditioning, and wake up feeling hot and sticky and irritated because hey, it's hot and sticky back in singapore and that kind of weather makes you feel irritated! i want to make fun of my brother and his cool new life in acjc - heck, i even want to be preparing for year 4 sem 1.
i won't go so far as to say that i'd much rather have been back in school for year 3 sem 2, bitching with everybody about assignments and exams, because the break from school was welcome, and today i studied for an exam i have next week and found it interesting. so there are good points about having come on exchange, see?
i miss my friends. cookies and cream ice cream at island creamery with the guys, drinks and a girly dressy night out with the law school girls just because we feel like it. movies with adele, baking, sunday mornings walking over to the ywca to steal abi's baked goods or just to see her. BAK CHOR MEE WITH JON. seeing the girls from my romans group at bsf on thursdays, even though we were split differently for matthew.
most of all, i want to feel happy just doing things like walking down the street, looking at the trees - the Everyday things. which i do enjoy doing alone here, but it's different, you know? i don't belong, not even with the others, no, not really.
somehow i think almost everyone (okay, not everyone, but it seems so. although i'm sure everyone's homesick to some extent) i know's been really excited about having the opportunity to travel and see new things - and i've just been too scared to admit that i'm not like that. all the things i've seen i've actually found Extremely Boring, and i think if mummy makes me visit the forbidden palace or other attractions with the family AGAIN when they come next week i will really just 吐血 (tu4 xue3 VOMIT BLOOD) for them to see. haha! i feel like i'm terribly uncultured but hey, that's just the way things are.
(in fact, i secretly think my mother will be extremely bored too, and she'd rather go check out groceries at wal-mart with me and exclaim over how cheap vegetables are downstairs. especially when the prices are converted back to singapore dollars...!)
seeing how other people live their lives has been interesting. letting them share a bit of themselves with you has been great. those have been the things i've enjoyed the most about travelling in china.
but when it comes down to it, THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME AND THIS IS NOT HOME. i am dying to go home and get on with my life in singapore.
i'll miss the girlfriends i've made in 政法 (zheng4 fa3) though.
after all, exchange hasn't been all that terrible. you'd have heard if i'd been driven to jump out the window already, right?
it's not even the inefficiency and sheer number of people, the lack of consideration for others which gets to me, really.
but there are things i know i came on exchange to learn. oh, not just about jon and myself. other things too. and that will be a story for tomorrow, perhaps. for now, i'm feeling much happier than i have for the past few days, weeks, and i think i'll be able to sleep better tonight as a result.
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE! indeed it does, and in all ways and senses of the phrase. nothing like God's wisdom for you.
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