before i go on, don't you think i ought to be recruited for the national day parade 2008? i think i can give a pretty decent rendition of home, and can pull off a live performance, when it comes down to it. it might even bring tears to your eyes, seeing as i love and feel so much for singapore! however, i'm not famous enough, so i don't think that's going to happen, ever. i'm also past that cutesy age where i can audition to lisp my way slightly haphazardly and a little off-pitchly through some national song and get away with it live on television.
unless, of course, by some fluke i become a famous enough LAWYER.
like THAT'S ever going to happen.
and it's not like they're EVER going to ask a FAMOUS LAWYER to perform at the national day parade, if all she's achieved is. . . being famous for being a lawyer.
alright. again, here goes. i have decided to number everything for convenience and ease of reading. see how my legal skills are being put to good use in everyday life (now i should be in an nus law school ad too, whaddya think?)?:
1. if you remember correctly, we managed to get sleeper tickets for our trip to jilin to climb chang bai shan. what i believe i didn't say was that we all got 上铺 (shang4 pu4) tickets, meaning that we were each allocated the topmost of three bunks, i.e. bunks where you can't sit up straight because then you'll be hunched right against the ceiling of the carriage. and believe me, when you're lying down, your face is literally inches from it. poor paul's feet stuck out a good few inches over the edge of his bunk.
it's not like i had much problem with slotting myself into the small space, but as i was lying in the darkness staring at the ceiling of the train carriage it hit me that i've done many things which i can and should be proud of, which make me, me; chief among them would be fighting my way down the long and winding road (now that is a good song) and finally finding God and getting baptised. which means that i have nothing to fear, because
there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears withhas not been perfected in love. - 1 john 4:18
i realised that i only ever needed to fear God's judgment. i never needed to fear the past or the future, or fear man and the wordly things which encroached so much on my consciousness at times. and even God's judgment i don't have to fear anymore, because of Jesus' death on the cross.
the logical conclusion would therefore be that there is nothing i should fear. at all.
but i am only human, as are we all. still, that was a nice realisation. i don't think it would have come to me at any other time, and it was enforced by our braving the horrible weather to get to the top of the #$%^&#%$(*! mountain. dude, if i can brave that, i really ought not to fear and worry so much about things. right? right. and just have more self-confidence.
2. i'm pretty sure God's teaching me to live this reality:
every christian needs two conversions. one from the world to Christ, and another back into the world with Christ - john stott
i hope that speaks for itself.
it's true, and although i knew the world wasn't all sunshine (no Son what. so how to have Sonshine haha okay bad joke and you won't get it unless you go to church - alright cause we believe in the Holy Trinity: the Father (God), the Son (Jesus, God) and the Holy Ghost (Helper from God, God)) even back in singapore i think part of the reason why i've been feeling miserable in beijing is because i refuse, in a way, to accept that i cannot like everybody, or let go of their faults as easily as i thought i could. because i feel that in some way that makes me a horrible, un-christian person.
loving someone and liking them are also two different things. love is a choice, like isn't really a choice. i could go on and on about this but it's not fundamental to this post. if you'd like to hear more, do let me know.
but that's Growing Up for you. it was easy to be happy in singapore, to love AND like people around me and be a blessing. especially when there was jon to talk to at the end of the day, to reassure me that things were okay, and i wasn't going all crazy and bitter from the world.
so i think i now know a little bit more of why we had to be apart for this period of time: it's simply that i had to Grow Up and get through, accept and learn some things about the world on my own with God. i remember feeling like i was overflowing with joy when i became a christian not so very long ago, and i also wondered how long it would last. because you can't be high all the time - you'd be of no earthly use (i think i've written about this before).
paul (the apostle, not the friend) wrote
so to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. three times i pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. . . for when i am weak, then i am strong. - 2 corinthians 12:7-9, 10b.
i've seriously felt like i was going crazy and becoming bitter, but after last night's revelation and the realisation that i really have to accept some things before i jump out of my window, i feel much better. Jesus never called us to be perfect. He called us to be perfected in Him.
the world and people (including me!) are crazymessedup at times but i've learnt that i have to accept that, and move on - always - with Him.
okay i'm hungry and i'm going to eat breakfast! yay!
by the way, i also slept very well last night. much better than i have for the past week.
unless, of course, by some fluke i become a famous enough LAWYER.
like THAT'S ever going to happen.
and it's not like they're EVER going to ask a FAMOUS LAWYER to perform at the national day parade, if all she's achieved is. . . being famous for being a lawyer.
alright. again, here goes. i have decided to number everything for convenience and ease of reading. see how my legal skills are being put to good use in everyday life (now i should be in an nus law school ad too, whaddya think?)?:
1. if you remember correctly, we managed to get sleeper tickets for our trip to jilin to climb chang bai shan. what i believe i didn't say was that we all got 上铺 (shang4 pu4) tickets, meaning that we were each allocated the topmost of three bunks, i.e. bunks where you can't sit up straight because then you'll be hunched right against the ceiling of the carriage. and believe me, when you're lying down, your face is literally inches from it. poor paul's feet stuck out a good few inches over the edge of his bunk.
it's not like i had much problem with slotting myself into the small space, but as i was lying in the darkness staring at the ceiling of the train carriage it hit me that i've done many things which i can and should be proud of, which make me, me; chief among them would be fighting my way down the long and winding road (now that is a good song) and finally finding God and getting baptised. which means that i have nothing to fear, because
there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears withhas not been perfected in love. - 1 john 4:18
i realised that i only ever needed to fear God's judgment. i never needed to fear the past or the future, or fear man and the wordly things which encroached so much on my consciousness at times. and even God's judgment i don't have to fear anymore, because of Jesus' death on the cross.
the logical conclusion would therefore be that there is nothing i should fear. at all.
but i am only human, as are we all. still, that was a nice realisation. i don't think it would have come to me at any other time, and it was enforced by our braving the horrible weather to get to the top of the #$%^&#%$(*! mountain. dude, if i can brave that, i really ought not to fear and worry so much about things. right? right. and just have more self-confidence.
2. i'm pretty sure God's teaching me to live this reality:
every christian needs two conversions. one from the world to Christ, and another back into the world with Christ - john stott
i hope that speaks for itself.
it's true, and although i knew the world wasn't all sunshine (no Son what. so how to have Sonshine haha okay bad joke and you won't get it unless you go to church - alright cause we believe in the Holy Trinity: the Father (God), the Son (Jesus, God) and the Holy Ghost (Helper from God, God)) even back in singapore i think part of the reason why i've been feeling miserable in beijing is because i refuse, in a way, to accept that i cannot like everybody, or let go of their faults as easily as i thought i could. because i feel that in some way that makes me a horrible, un-christian person.
loving someone and liking them are also two different things. love is a choice, like isn't really a choice. i could go on and on about this but it's not fundamental to this post. if you'd like to hear more, do let me know.
but that's Growing Up for you. it was easy to be happy in singapore, to love AND like people around me and be a blessing. especially when there was jon to talk to at the end of the day, to reassure me that things were okay, and i wasn't going all crazy and bitter from the world.
so i think i now know a little bit more of why we had to be apart for this period of time: it's simply that i had to Grow Up and get through, accept and learn some things about the world on my own with God. i remember feeling like i was overflowing with joy when i became a christian not so very long ago, and i also wondered how long it would last. because you can't be high all the time - you'd be of no earthly use (i think i've written about this before).
paul (the apostle, not the friend) wrote
so to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. three times i pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. but he said to me, "my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. . . for when i am weak, then i am strong. - 2 corinthians 12:7-9, 10b.
i've seriously felt like i was going crazy and becoming bitter, but after last night's revelation and the realisation that i really have to accept some things before i jump out of my window, i feel much better. Jesus never called us to be perfect. He called us to be perfected in Him.
the world and people (including me!) are crazymessedup at times but i've learnt that i have to accept that, and move on - always - with Him.
okay i'm hungry and i'm going to eat breakfast! yay!
by the way, i also slept very well last night. much better than i have for the past week.
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