"many other pictures there were that these arches framed. and all showed some moment when life had sprung to fire and flower - the best that the soul of man could ask or man's destiny could grant. and the really good hotel had its place here too, because there are some souls that ask no higher thing of life than 'a really good hotel.' "
- the enchanted castle, edith nesbit.
she really is one of my favourite children's authors, i never realised how much i appreciated her books until recently. like the treasure seekers, where alice decided exactly how she would like school to be. the railway children. . . which is lovely and beautiful and nice because it's about life and loving your family. and the enchanted castle, just because it's about magic and finding it in the everyday things - it was the gentlemanly ugli-wugli who could speak better than the rest because the children cut a flap for his mouth so he could form words better, who wanted the really good hotel.
something tragic happened this morning. i opened the container of honey weetabix and there were maggots in it!! when i told my mother about this she looked at me blankly for about three seconds and said, "but it's okay what. can still eat you know. like fear factor. they do it all the time."
i was stunned. i just looked at her, shocked. my own mother!! and she's the one who gets all squeamish when they have to eat madagascar hissing cockroaches in the bid for $50,000.
"really. . . it just shows that the food is organic and good for you! you know when you have all the chemicals in the food, they never rot. now THAT'S truly scary."
she's right. but imagine - you're still half asleep, and you want to make yourself a nice bowl of cereal so you can go back to your room and continue praying in the cold light of dawn - and when you open up the cereal box you realise that there are these white worm-things squirming about. wouldn't you be totally grossed out. but still so sleepy that all you can do is dazedly throw away the remaining weetabix - which was tragic because i really like it - and wash out the container and watch the maggots get washed down the sink.
i had some sort of mini-epiphany today, as i'm currently telling lester on msn.
it's been a really long time since i've been able to feel this - myself? is that the word? yes. it's been a really long time since i've been able to feel myself and not feel ashamed of who i am. it doesn't matter what the world thinks, what people in church think, whoever, whenever, whatever. because God made me and He loves me, i am His child and it doesn't matter what i've been through because i had to go through it to get to be who i am today, to be me (okay this is starting to sound so cheesy). and the thing is, everyone goes through different things to become who they are. which is why sarte said hell is other people because sometimes you just want everyone to be like you, to understand things the same way, but jon's right no one's that narcissistic. and i'd probably die if i had to live with myself my whole life - i think i can get pretty intense sometimes. cmi la.
so what do you do? you appreciate the fact that we are all different and thank God like mad that we're not the same.
so if i'm shallow, and i desire nothing more than to vote pap all my life so my estate can be pretty pretty, and if i desire nothing more than to join jon in his quest for the perfect bowl of bak chor mee, continue in my own quest for perfect ming chiang kueh (the one at cambridge market is coming close!!), then so be it. it's just like seeking God, loving God - there's no one way about it, like i always thought there kinda was. God created us all to love Him, and love Him in different ways. and it's not that i don't desire greatness, desire to do things for God's glory. these things will come if you earnestly seek them. perhaps, for now, if you can find greatness in the everyday then - that's true greatness.
you think?
i know.
"not that i am speaking of being in need, for i have learnted in whatever situation i am to be content. i know how to be brought low, and i know how to abound. in any and every circumstance, i have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. i can do all things through him who strengthens me." phil 4:11-13.
and you know what i've really, really wanted this semester? to find the time to come home everyday for lunch. in particular to eat instant noodles with ntuc chicken nugget things chucked in the toaster for 20 minutes, tossed with sesame oil soya sauce and white rice vinegar. with a few stalks of blanched cai sim, as my mother cooks it. i had to cook that myself today, and it turned out a bit wetter than hers probably because i had to use wong bok instead of cai sim.
- the enchanted castle, edith nesbit.
she really is one of my favourite children's authors, i never realised how much i appreciated her books until recently. like the treasure seekers, where alice decided exactly how she would like school to be. the railway children. . . which is lovely and beautiful and nice because it's about life and loving your family. and the enchanted castle, just because it's about magic and finding it in the everyday things - it was the gentlemanly ugli-wugli who could speak better than the rest because the children cut a flap for his mouth so he could form words better, who wanted the really good hotel.
something tragic happened this morning. i opened the container of honey weetabix and there were maggots in it!! when i told my mother about this she looked at me blankly for about three seconds and said, "but it's okay what. can still eat you know. like fear factor. they do it all the time."
i was stunned. i just looked at her, shocked. my own mother!! and she's the one who gets all squeamish when they have to eat madagascar hissing cockroaches in the bid for $50,000.
"really. . . it just shows that the food is organic and good for you! you know when you have all the chemicals in the food, they never rot. now THAT'S truly scary."
she's right. but imagine - you're still half asleep, and you want to make yourself a nice bowl of cereal so you can go back to your room and continue praying in the cold light of dawn - and when you open up the cereal box you realise that there are these white worm-things squirming about. wouldn't you be totally grossed out. but still so sleepy that all you can do is dazedly throw away the remaining weetabix - which was tragic because i really like it - and wash out the container and watch the maggots get washed down the sink.
i had some sort of mini-epiphany today, as i'm currently telling lester on msn.
it's been a really long time since i've been able to feel this - myself? is that the word? yes. it's been a really long time since i've been able to feel myself and not feel ashamed of who i am. it doesn't matter what the world thinks, what people in church think, whoever, whenever, whatever. because God made me and He loves me, i am His child and it doesn't matter what i've been through because i had to go through it to get to be who i am today, to be me (okay this is starting to sound so cheesy). and the thing is, everyone goes through different things to become who they are. which is why sarte said hell is other people because sometimes you just want everyone to be like you, to understand things the same way, but jon's right no one's that narcissistic. and i'd probably die if i had to live with myself my whole life - i think i can get pretty intense sometimes. cmi la.
so what do you do? you appreciate the fact that we are all different and thank God like mad that we're not the same.
so if i'm shallow, and i desire nothing more than to vote pap all my life so my estate can be pretty pretty, and if i desire nothing more than to join jon in his quest for the perfect bowl of bak chor mee, continue in my own quest for perfect ming chiang kueh (the one at cambridge market is coming close!!), then so be it. it's just like seeking God, loving God - there's no one way about it, like i always thought there kinda was. God created us all to love Him, and love Him in different ways. and it's not that i don't desire greatness, desire to do things for God's glory. these things will come if you earnestly seek them. perhaps, for now, if you can find greatness in the everyday then - that's true greatness.
you think?
i know.
"not that i am speaking of being in need, for i have learnted in whatever situation i am to be content. i know how to be brought low, and i know how to abound. in any and every circumstance, i have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. i can do all things through him who strengthens me." phil 4:11-13.
and you know what i've really, really wanted this semester? to find the time to come home everyday for lunch. in particular to eat instant noodles with ntuc chicken nugget things chucked in the toaster for 20 minutes, tossed with sesame oil soya sauce and white rice vinegar. with a few stalks of blanched cai sim, as my mother cooks it. i had to cook that myself today, and it turned out a bit wetter than hers probably because i had to use wong bok instead of cai sim.
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