after reading jolie's blog
19, from the sonnets to orpheus by rainer maria rilke.

Quick though the earth itself churns,
changing like cloud formations,
each fulfilled thing returns
to ancient foundations.

Beyond changing and passing,
freer and higher,
your prelude is alone lasting:
god with the lyre.

Grief is beyond comprehension.
True love has never been learned.
Nor do we know by what agency

we are to death interned.
Only the song over the land
yields blessing and commemoration.

joe looks plain scary, quents is always pouting and shannon looks too army boy for words.

the mandatory food pictures are of dishes already finished or in the process of being eaten because i neglected to take my camera out when the food first arrived. yoshinoya and pumpkin soup from tcc post-movie, shannon's creation. see below for further information.

because i finally decided to bring cammie out, we have photos! although most of them are of shannon's deconstruction of what used to be a tcc coaster.

yes, the coaster transcended its context. maybe because we were talking about christianity in post-modern context.

and we also watched lars and the real girl, which was nice. thanks all for a lovely night. :)

teh-c-kosong dai zou and khong guan sultana biscuits
yesterday evening i was on the bus on the way to melanie's house when i felt something moving on my wrist. it was a thin, green caterpillar. i shook him (her? it, then) off onto the seat next to me, and proceeded to watch it move around helplessly trying to search for a way off the seat and back to its grassy abode, i suppose. it was fascinating, the way it moved, arching itself; although i'm rather fearful of such moving creatures because they're so small and they move so quickly - who knows where they'll crawl to - i felt its desperation. kinda reminded me of how we are before God rescues us.

so i took out an old receipt from my wallet, held it next to the caterpillar so it would crawl onto it, prayed like anything that it wouldn't crawl back onto my hand, and i managed to take it successfully out of the bus on the receipt and i set it free on the grass next to melanie's bus stop.

remember those $1.99 shop pink and blue slippers which everyone seemed to be wearing when we were in secondary school, and those "trail" ones with the thick black straps in various neon colours? you exchanged a side with your friend if you could, so you could look cooler and appear popular and "tight" with someone else.

that was quite important, wasn't it, in those days? how we used to cling so tightly to that sort of thing, trying so hard to manifest the security of friendships in pieces of foam.

they were usually adorned with words and flowers or hearts or any manner of cutesy girl things in fabric paint, glittery or not. they were really quite ugly though. and the $1.99 shop doesn't even exist anymore.

kiss the rain, whenever you need me

how we loved that song when we were, what, 11 or 12? i was kept awake by the rain, lying on my bed early early wednesday morning. right before it started raining i'd rung jon and we'd spoken for two minutes before he had to go, and it had been raining in bangalore too.

what's new, how's the weather? is it stormy where you are, you're so close but it feels like you're so far.

and even though it cost a very painful fifteen cents, i sent him an sms to tell him that i'd flown a kiss out of my window into the rain. just because.

***
i said i'd find something to be thankful about everyday this week, and tuesday night i was anna's witness for her mock trial which took place at wong partnership. i realised then that wong p was very near bak chor mee sua with the grumpy uncle! which means i might apply there for pupillage after all. however there isn't much good food around there besides aforementioned stall, or maybe i just haven't explored that area enough.

yesterday (it's 0006 on my computer clock) saw the last bsf session of the year, and it seems like only yesterday i walked in for the first lesson of the year not knowing what to expect - with no expectations really. the sermon at watchnight 2006 was 'scraped tablets,' and we were encouraged to enter 2007 with hearts scraped clean of the past to allow God to write His own story for us, and He has.

being me, i raised my hand when the teaching leader looked around for the second person to share on 'how romans has touched my life this year.' i'm rather tired now, but i'm going to share what i shared now because i might not have time to blog over the weekend.

as i sat there tonight listening to various people share i was immensely thankful and awed that God had been so faithful to so many, and i felt affirmed as i identified with other peoples' stories of how the study of romans changed their lives. because it changed mine too, like, totally.

this is what i scribbled down on my notes for today's sharing:

one of the most significant lessons i've learnt and applied from the study of romans has been the lesson on justification by faith and how we inflict pain on ourselves as a result of our choice to turn away from God. it has been significant because i finally became a Christian, in the proper sense of the word, as it should be. God called, as He had been doing for so long, and because i finally understood how amazing His grace was, i gave my heart to Him and decided to follow Jesus - the world behind me, the cross before me, no turning back.

i can't even quite remember what happened exactly, but i remember there was a period where i had unspeakable joy; where i just longed to spend time praying and worshipping Him - a period when i felt a tangible difference inside, like someone had literally, physically taken away the guilt, shame, hurt and pain of the past years. taken it away and replaced it with God's love, His cleansing love, and reconciled my wandering heart to His ever-faithful one. such a change, what blessings, how amazing His grace.

i've come to see that everything truly works together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. i've learnt to see people as God sees them - loved, created in His image; learnt how much pain God feels when we disobey Him.

there is nothing more, and nothing less, that we can do to earn our salvation but to put our faith and trust in Him when He calls us to do so. but that might as yet be the hardest and scariest thing ever, as it was for me. still, i have lived fully and with the joy of the Holy Spirit after doing just that in february, and i've grown closer to Him in a way that i never imagined or thought was possible. i prayed that i'd never forget how it felt before this change happened, and when i'm down, i remember the emptiness i felt in the past and then i just close my eyes and thank God because i realise each time that i'm simply not empty anymore. it hasn't always been easy, but i hope i will always be able to say i'd rather have Jesus than anything this world affords today - for we have no life apart from Him, He is everything.

i used to be unsure of my faith, of what being a Christian entailed, but i'm sure now, and am always ready to share when i can. and it's only because God has truly blessed me with understanding, wisdom and courage. apart from Him i don't think i could have done or said anything, could have loved the way i did and been the friend that i've been to all of you this year.

thank you for thanking me whenever you've thought i've helped you in any way - and i know, i am absolutely and utterly convinced that i wouldn't be who i am today if God didn't bring me to this glorious eternal life by grace through faith in Jesus. i can't explain how i changed so quickly (in human time), can't explain how everything just seemed to fall into place. so it must have been God, and for that i'm thankful. it's such a relief knowing there's someone far greater taking care of everything.

'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.

goodnight. i am very lazy but i'll try to blog when i can, promise. :) all the best for exams and God bless.