I last wore the combination of my pink Reebok singlet, grey FBT shorts and blue Nike sports bra at the Angkor Wat International Half-Marathon 2013, which was also the last long-distance race I ran before becoming pregnant with FBC. Jon had pushed back the operation to remove his tumour by a couple of days so we could go to Siem Reap as planned; after all, we had been told that it was probably benign and leaving it there for another couple of days wouldn't do much harm.
It was about two weeks after we returned from Siem Reap that we were told the tumour was actually malignant. I couldn't wear my pink Reebok singlet and grey FBT shorts again after that, because they served as a reminder of what life had been like before it All Went Downhill. So they remained folded in my drawer for over a year and a half, and after I signed up for the Great Eastern Women's Run (GEWR) this year, I decided that I would wear them again, together with my blue Nike sports bra, because, well there is no reason other than that I decided, why not? and it was significant because it was my first half-marathon post FBC. It may also well be my last long-distance race for some time (we are not expecting again, yet (haha), but committing to training was really painful, especially because I had absolutely no control over the quality or quantity of my sleep).
***
During the run, at the 16km mark, when I knew that if I forced myself to continue running all the way I may have vomited or even fainted, I decided that I would take things easy and walk a little, even if it meant that I wouldn't hit my desired timing. Because making myself sick just for the sake of hitting a timing, meaning I couldn't see to the laundry and cooking and miscellaneous household matters for about a week thereafter, just wasn't worth it. I was a little disappointed despite the fact that I had objectively clocked a decent time, but I realised that as I made my way painfully to the finish line, I had come to accept that life as a parent means Being Responsible, and sometimes (often, actually) that means making choices where you put your spouse and child(ren) before yourself. And then you realise that putting others first isn't such a bad thing after all, in fact, it is a good thing and brings them and you much joy. (In case I sound like Pollyanna-Does-Motherhood, do note that I came to this realisation whilst in a state of severe blood sugar deprivation. I doubt I will ever attain that level of selflessness where I will joyfully and willingly always put their needs before my own. In fact, I spent most of this afternoon simultaneously reading Elizabeth George's latest Inspector Lynley mystery and "playing" with FBC.)
***
I am thankful that the haze miraculously cleared up for the GEWR, and even more thankful that Jon has been cancer-free for the past year or so. Long may this be the case. I thank God for all that He has blessed us with these two years, for the growth we have experienced as people and in our walk with Him.
It was about two weeks after we returned from Siem Reap that we were told the tumour was actually malignant. I couldn't wear my pink Reebok singlet and grey FBT shorts again after that, because they served as a reminder of what life had been like before it All Went Downhill. So they remained folded in my drawer for over a year and a half, and after I signed up for the Great Eastern Women's Run (GEWR) this year, I decided that I would wear them again, together with my blue Nike sports bra, because, well there is no reason other than that I decided, why not? and it was significant because it was my first half-marathon post FBC. It may also well be my last long-distance race for some time (we are not expecting again, yet (haha), but committing to training was really painful, especially because I had absolutely no control over the quality or quantity of my sleep).
***
During the run, at the 16km mark, when I knew that if I forced myself to continue running all the way I may have vomited or even fainted, I decided that I would take things easy and walk a little, even if it meant that I wouldn't hit my desired timing. Because making myself sick just for the sake of hitting a timing, meaning I couldn't see to the laundry and cooking and miscellaneous household matters for about a week thereafter, just wasn't worth it. I was a little disappointed despite the fact that I had objectively clocked a decent time, but I realised that as I made my way painfully to the finish line, I had come to accept that life as a parent means Being Responsible, and sometimes (often, actually) that means making choices where you put your spouse and child(ren) before yourself. And then you realise that putting others first isn't such a bad thing after all, in fact, it is a good thing and brings them and you much joy. (In case I sound like Pollyanna-Does-Motherhood, do note that I came to this realisation whilst in a state of severe blood sugar deprivation. I doubt I will ever attain that level of selflessness where I will joyfully and willingly always put their needs before my own. In fact, I spent most of this afternoon simultaneously reading Elizabeth George's latest Inspector Lynley mystery and "playing" with FBC.)
***
I am thankful that the haze miraculously cleared up for the GEWR, and even more thankful that Jon has been cancer-free for the past year or so. Long may this be the case. I thank God for all that He has blessed us with these two years, for the growth we have experienced as people and in our walk with Him.
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