in our imaginations
things somtimes become more real than they might actually be in real life. our hurts and grievances intensify, we cling on to happy memories and forget that people might have made us sad once. a passing fancy seized on and not let go of, a convincing of ourselves that they cared more than they actually did. smiles, laughter: then we encounter them in the flesh, as they are; finding they're not that way at all we wonder, and we wonder. thoughts growing and expanding until they consume us alive, a life in our minds like no other for which we are prepared to give up the familiar feeling of dread, loss and emptiness for.
it has been tiring, living. having to face other people each day - quentin says i'm becoming emo again, but then again was i ever not? there's a fine line between thinking about the world and being sad about its depraved state, and worrying about things that shouldn't concern me. a fine line between self-righteouness and genuine concern for other people's problems.
so we've all turned twenty-one then, the four of us original sunsets (i can't even remember who we were actually, can any of you?). quentin, ian, jon ong, me. i'm only sure that quentin was one of the first, him having given in to my insistent whingeing at the end of j2 that we have a name. sort of a hearkening back to childhood where groups of friends gave a name to the collective whole and made namecards out of paper, words declaring membership scrawled on in blunt, black pencil.
here we are, twenty-one, with ian leaving us on the 22nd. the world waiting to be lived in, life to be enjoyed. yet these words have been oddly comforting:
vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; vanity of vanities! all is vanity... what has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. ecclesiastes 1:2, 9.
at times i really feel i'm just muddling along (as opposed to humbling along, see earlier post. i would think the two words carry different meaning), and i feel bad for thinking that way because i have an eternal hope and glory in heaven. but bad days do happen, people do things to upset you, and i have a propensity to get upset. it's not upset in the negative sense, you understand? it's an upsetting of my equilibrium and it makes me... upset. there, that was an attempt to inject some measure of humour into this otherwise slightly emo post. not that emo what ok.
it gets hard to sit back and remind myself that all the material and tangible is nothing, that there is only one thing that matters in this life which is fearing God and obeying His commandments. this is the more that we were meant to live for, and it gets hard because so many people around you are settling for so much less.
it was nice hanging out with the guys last night, watching hairspray. as we walked to the carpark toshi and quentin were talking nonsense and i suddenly said, this is why i was so happy in jc, in choir. i just didn't think! because we were always singing and singing and when we weren't singing we were talking nonsense. not unlike jon's simple, blissful existence of living from one training session to the other, i suppose.
a night that was a reminder of how good life can be, how good God's blessings are to those who love Him.
i was standing in my room putting on my pyjamas after my shower (usually the first pair of recently washed and folded t-shirt and shorts on the rack) when through the window there came a smell not unlike that of slightly burnt toast. i like the smell of certain burning things, dark crumbs of toast, and roasted chestnuts especially. even if it's hot and humid the smell of roasted chestnuts makes me think of autumn and chill weather, maybe fall is a better word; trees with yellow and red leaves that i've only ever seen in pictures, comfort like steaming hot 3-in-1 milo your parents used to buy for you from a dodgy looking vending machine after taking you for a swim on a weekend, the year you were ten.
i burnt my tongue then, i believe i will go on burning my tongue until the day i stop drinking 3-in-1 milo.
things somtimes become more real than they might actually be in real life. our hurts and grievances intensify, we cling on to happy memories and forget that people might have made us sad once. a passing fancy seized on and not let go of, a convincing of ourselves that they cared more than they actually did. smiles, laughter: then we encounter them in the flesh, as they are; finding they're not that way at all we wonder, and we wonder. thoughts growing and expanding until they consume us alive, a life in our minds like no other for which we are prepared to give up the familiar feeling of dread, loss and emptiness for.
it has been tiring, living. having to face other people each day - quentin says i'm becoming emo again, but then again was i ever not? there's a fine line between thinking about the world and being sad about its depraved state, and worrying about things that shouldn't concern me. a fine line between self-righteouness and genuine concern for other people's problems.
so we've all turned twenty-one then, the four of us original sunsets (i can't even remember who we were actually, can any of you?). quentin, ian, jon ong, me. i'm only sure that quentin was one of the first, him having given in to my insistent whingeing at the end of j2 that we have a name. sort of a hearkening back to childhood where groups of friends gave a name to the collective whole and made namecards out of paper, words declaring membership scrawled on in blunt, black pencil.
here we are, twenty-one, with ian leaving us on the 22nd. the world waiting to be lived in, life to be enjoyed. yet these words have been oddly comforting:
vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; vanity of vanities! all is vanity... what has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun. ecclesiastes 1:2, 9.
at times i really feel i'm just muddling along (as opposed to humbling along, see earlier post. i would think the two words carry different meaning), and i feel bad for thinking that way because i have an eternal hope and glory in heaven. but bad days do happen, people do things to upset you, and i have a propensity to get upset. it's not upset in the negative sense, you understand? it's an upsetting of my equilibrium and it makes me... upset. there, that was an attempt to inject some measure of humour into this otherwise slightly emo post. not that emo what ok.
it gets hard to sit back and remind myself that all the material and tangible is nothing, that there is only one thing that matters in this life which is fearing God and obeying His commandments. this is the more that we were meant to live for, and it gets hard because so many people around you are settling for so much less.
it was nice hanging out with the guys last night, watching hairspray. as we walked to the carpark toshi and quentin were talking nonsense and i suddenly said, this is why i was so happy in jc, in choir. i just didn't think! because we were always singing and singing and when we weren't singing we were talking nonsense. not unlike jon's simple, blissful existence of living from one training session to the other, i suppose.
a night that was a reminder of how good life can be, how good God's blessings are to those who love Him.
i was standing in my room putting on my pyjamas after my shower (usually the first pair of recently washed and folded t-shirt and shorts on the rack) when through the window there came a smell not unlike that of slightly burnt toast. i like the smell of certain burning things, dark crumbs of toast, and roasted chestnuts especially. even if it's hot and humid the smell of roasted chestnuts makes me think of autumn and chill weather, maybe fall is a better word; trees with yellow and red leaves that i've only ever seen in pictures, comfort like steaming hot 3-in-1 milo your parents used to buy for you from a dodgy looking vending machine after taking you for a swim on a weekend, the year you were ten.
i burnt my tongue then, i believe i will go on burning my tongue until the day i stop drinking 3-in-1 milo.
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