Last Week

More to keep myself sane than from any great desire to have many readers, I'm going to continue blogging about random events that take place in my increasingly boring life. As you will notice, these random events are beginning to become a trifle office based, and centre around the same few idi- sorry, people.

Anyhow, last week's random event was that D, the other one (I shall call them D1 and D2 hereafter on my blog, D1 being the taller of the two; references in this post are to D2), bought a hot pink toothbrush entirely by accident and was most distressed by it thereafter because he felt that people would think he was, you know, poufy.

He really did buy it by accident. He picked it up at Cold Storage China Square, expounded at length about how he could not see himself buying a pink toothbrush, and then proceeded to the cashier with the same hot pink toothbrush in hand. None of us realised it. Really!

My, we are getting old.

P also told us, over chicken rice, about a book that he's been reading in preparation for marriage. The contents of said book are not suitable for discussion in a public forum such as this, but in short - even though it's written by Christians for Christians, as Jon pointed out when I told him about it (I could barely get the words out, I was laughing so hard): What's the difference between that and GQ?

It is good to be young and learning new and exciting things everyday (yes, refer to above paragraph on P's recent reading material). Thank God for that.

The resident Judicial Manager has also decided to leave our great company. I rang him during the week after he sent this really touching (for him) farewell email (he later told Jon some of his colleagues rang him with "tears in their eyes") and emailed him for the last time at his office email address with the lyrics of that great 张学友 classic:

若有缘， 有缘就能期待明天
我们重逢在那灿烂的季节

So long as there is fate, we will be able to look forward to tomorrow
We will meet again in that glorious season

Of course I don't believe in fate, but for the purposes of saying farewell to someone who's helped to maintain my level of sanity these past few hectic months, someone who's just as fond as I am of writing out the lyrics of Mandarin pop songs when seized by the need to doodle, it was perfect.

Judicial Manager, I will not forget the week I had lunch with you three times in a row because we had no other friends. See you again in that glorious season - when you queue up to buy fish soup for all of us because you're moving near there and the queue is always horrendously long.

Saturday Night

Jon's gone off to India, and I'm still up doing what I have to do. Don't particularly mind, though I would like to get some sleep.

Email Exchange of The Week, and Some Random Thoughts

You know how, whenever someone rings you and speaks in a whisper, you always feel obliged to reply in a whisper even though most of the time you probably don't need to?

It happens in emails too.

D: [insert piece of office gossip, typed in italics]
Me: why are you typing in italics? is it meant to represent the fact that you are telling me something in a whisper? in which case maybe it should be in small font?

Then there was the NEH NEH NEH email.

Me: have you seen this (those boysnightout and girlsnightout application forms) NEH NEH NEH
D, the other one: i read your email as have you seen this boob boob boob

Which is really -_-, if you think about it. And shows that D, the other one, is a real cheeko.

***
Anyhow, I'm going to be called to the bar in a little over a month - wah almost lawyer already, right - but just now, when I encountered a group of Cool People I Used To Know, I felt tremendously awkward, and simply couldn't bring myself to go up to them and say hi. Even though they acknowledged my presence and smiled and waved.

I felt like an insecure teenager all over again. Look at how I used the phrase "acknolwedged my presence."

I was telling D the other day when he very kindly gave me a lift home after work that I prayed before that I'd never forget how it felt to be insecure as a teenager. I prayed for that because I think it's one of the worst feelings girls go through; and then there are those who never get to feeling at ease with themselves, who usually end up being socially awkward and the ones people like to pick on. Sometimes for reasons so flimsy you know somewhere in your heart of hearts that you do it only because it makes you (me) feel better about yourself (myself). Would remembering make it easier to be kind and gracious though? I'm ashamed to say I'm not so sure anymore. More on that sometime.

Moving on to other random realisations I've had in the past week: being a lawyer is actually Totally Unglam and Uncool. And that's why I think I'm going to stick at it. Or maybe I was just blessed to get an unpretentious boss.

It's humbling, and it's good, to be reminded often of how dispensable I am in the grander scheme of things, how I'm really just an ant scurrying about my way trying not to be trodden on by some inconsiderate human (although I hate ants, the sight of what must be hundreds of them converging on some fallen crumb gives me the creeps). It helps me to look forward to heaven, and spurs me to choose to be contented with whatever comes my way.

Even after retention, the feelings of inadequacy and wanting to feel important so I can feel good about myself remain. Read: getting good work, or rather what I perceive to be "good work" to do, and having enough of it so that I have to stay back late. Feeling that my boss likes me. And why shouldn't those feelings still be there, actually? They were linked to, but still independent of my competitive spirit. Which I'm not proud of, but I'm only human after all and I do think I tried my best to entrust that part of my life to God.

I'm not sick of practice - far from it - and this is not going to be one of those "What On Earth Am I Doing With My Life?" posts. I just find these feelings I have amusing, pathetic and necessary all at once, and thought I'd share them with you. And I'm not the only one, and young lawyers aren't the only ones who feel this way. There was an article in the Sunday Times written by a young journalist who said she felt that way too. I had to work that weekend I think (there, that's a feel-good thing), and on Sunday was simply too tired to read it.

What is it people my age really want now, anyway? I can't deny that I was swayed by the posh reception areas with fancy artwork, as well as all the stereotypes people have perpetrated about lawyers. The long hours, the money, the fancy meals, sharp clothes and even sharper tongues. That sophisticated aura lawyers in TV shows always give off (yes, even Ally McBeal had it).

But there you have it. Most of the time it's not actually like that at all, and not everyone gets to do exciting, big cases and deals - things which would make me feel good about myself and my worth, if I did care to admit it. Which I just have. And you know, what I'm doing now was what I actually saw myself doing when I first decided I wanted to go to law school all the way back then. And on top of that I get to keep decent hours. Which is a miracle and a blessing, something that shows me God does care about my life and who He wants me to be.

So a contented ant I'll be, with my contented worker ant boyfriend, and I'll see you back here in a bit with pictures of us at mass call. How Very Exciting, Hor?

Feeling

Greedy and rather desirous of eating some of these, although it's surely way too hot to be consuming such copious amounts of cream cheese.

A jelly heart, by Abi

But look at that layer of strawberry jelly! And that strawberry encased in it! Hard to believe all it takes to make this is, essentially, patience. And a willingness to buy good cream cheese and digestive biscuits. The price of baking essentials is rising, when did Hershey's unsweetened cocoa powder cost more than $8?!

I love jelly, and agar-agar. And fruit in jelly and agar-agar. So healthsome, you know? Even with that much cream cheese.

***
The Kong Guan Sultana Biscuits made a comeback in the office pantry on my floor, and I spirited more than a couple of packets to my desk drawer for the days I knew they'd be short in supply (the popular biscuits always are). However, I am sad to say that my stash is gone, and I am currently lacking a suitable mid-morning snack.

Currently found in the air-tight pantry containers on my floor are the horrible fake oreos (W likes them though) and - if my memory serves me correctly - the even more awful banana cream ones (W also likes these, I think. I suspect she likes all Kong Guan biscuits. Or just biscuits in general, really). The pantry on D's and L's floor has the sugar speckled ones with a thin layer of chocolate cream which aren't half bad.

Isn't it sad that the most exciting thing I have to tell you about my life now are the biscuits in the pantry?