Some Days

I feel like wearing my AC uniform and heading out to Sogurt at 2:45 p.m., just as if I was in JC and we got let out early and there was really nothing else better to do but eat expensive yogurt and talk cock until it was time to go home and take a nap before dinner.

I don't really know what it is that I feel wistful about, but I've been feeling wistful the past week (which was also the week after my one measly week of year-end leave, where Jon and I, among other things, went cycling in Malaysia for a day and came back sunburnt but full of good seafood). Or, to put things more accurately, I think I'm just sian.

Jon thinks (and I agree, really) that I'm too involved with clients' lives.

I tell everyone that I'm more detached than I thought I would be, doing family matters - and it's true. I never thought I'd be able to listen to the sad facts of other peoples' lives and go on to draft affidavits about these things so matter of factly. But there you have it. I don't think I've become unfeeling, or unsympathetic - you've just gotta do what you've gotta do. And more importantly, I believe in it. I believe that family lawyers can genuinely help people achieve what they deserve, the "just and equitable result".

But once in a while you find out something about the people you're working for (the law mandates that they have to share the boring, mundane details of their lives with you, like, for example, what they bought for breakfast for the whole of November) that makes you sit up and wonder at how random all our lives are. And you tell yourself that God knows the details of all our lives, and He's got them all in His hands so you shouldn't get so involved or concerned about it because they are just clients but you still can't shake off the niggling feeling of Randomness.

I think that about sums up what's making me feel so sian (wistful) - because I think I'm feeling wistful (sian) for a time when I didn't know Just How Random life really is.

Also, there are some things one can't blog about, the things that are driving me up the wall. Some days I feel like screaming out loud and going for a long lunch and looking at pretty things in the shops because it's Christmas after all and everyone's going for long lunches and looking at pretty things in the shops.

All that being said, I don't know what 2011 will bring, but I'm looking forward to it. Planning for the wedding, buying a house, BSF again (really).

Thank You, God, for the Good Book and the encouragement it gives to my weary soul.

***

Everyday at 0103 hours Microsoft Exchange sends me an email to tell me that my Inbox is almost full.

Much Good, Part N

Best part about last Monday:

REMARKS: ORDER-IN-TERMS. ATTENDANCE IS DISPENSED WITH

(i.e. no need to go court take queue number and wait very, very, very long just to see the AR for, oh, less than 10 minutes)

Worst part about last Monday:

Being snubbed by the mee tai mak auntie again when I brought my trusty eco-friendly container and got in the queue at her stall. Really, I believe she has something against my eco-friendly container.

Study so hard for what right, still cannot get what you want to eat for lunch.

***

In other news, I'm less bright-eyed and bushy tailed than I was when I first started this job (which explains the lack of posts), but I'm doing alright I guess. I just wish there was more time for everything, especially sleeping, watching TV, watching movies with Jon.

I will miss these days - the talking nonsense with D1 day in day out (which reminds me alot of JC with Jon Wrong and Bryan and Quents et al except that it is really day in day out) - like I told him, macham JC lah talk alot and work very hard but everything still very fun; talking nonsense with ON, with my good and faithful secretary, the smell of a cup of tea with just one teaspoon of condensed milk (22 calories). Still being relatively care-free.

We're moving soon, and D1 won't be sitting in the room next to ON and me anymore. We'll also be on a different floor from the Ps and JdS, and in a different building from D2. I'm not sure how this will change things. The only thing I'm sure of is that I will, perhaps, be more efficient in the day.

***

For the first time in what feels like months (it has been months, about two months I think) Jon and I managed to leave the office at 7:30 p.m. on a Friday night. It felt really good being out when the shops and restaurants were still crowded, actually seeing peple we knew around town. Being able to have a decent conversation without feeling like we were going to nod off to sleep while talking to each other, therefore being able to talk properly about the Things That Matter.

Not having to go for dinner at Hong Kong Cafe because it's the only thing still open which serves decent Chinese food at 10 p.m. Actually being able to take a bus home.

I love taking the bus, when I can get a seat; don't you think the feeling of being on a bus and knowing you have nothing pressing and you can get caught in all the traffic jams you want is Simply Awesome? It's liberating, really, having time to just do nothing at all.

I don't know what it is in Singaporean culture which makes people feel they have to work so darned hard.

***
What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

- Leisure, by W.H. Davies

A Long Long Time Ago

I was really touched when Jon told me recently that he still checks my blog to see whether I've uploaded the picture of us at mass call which I promised in my last post some three or so months ago.

I've hijacked PoBe's computer for tonight (read: uploading will not take eons like it does on Lenny), so here it is:
And, for those of you who didn't already know, we got engaged on National Day this year when Kit Chan was singing Home. During the second verse, to be exact.

As if I needed another reason for Kit Chan and Dick Lee to be on my list of all-time favourite musicians.

***

It's also fitting that I blog today - further to D2's pink toothbrush escapade, at Cold Storage whatever building it's called (it's not China Square; it's right opposite my office and I don't even know what it's called) I had the following exchange with him today (D1 was also a party to the same, but he didn't make any comments. Oh the wonders of BBM).

D2: I told me mum my toothbrush was bad
She said ok, she will buy for me
She went out and bought me a pink toothbrush
Now I have TWO pink toothbrushes

Chloeeeeeee: U can't hide from them la its your destiny :)
Hahahaaahaahaaaa
Betrayed by your own mother.

***

My favourite Meiji biscuits made a comeback in the office pantry recently. The tea lady has showed me the locked cupboard where they're kept, but not where the key is stashed, unfortunately and for good reason.

***

My BlackBerry is named Barry.

Email Exchange of Two Weeks Ago

Right, I know I promised Mass Call pictures of Jon and I, and it's been almost 3 weeks since it occurred (do you actually care?).

Well, here is the Email Exchange of Two Weeks Ago to make up for it, I guarantee it's worth it. And I will upload at least a picture of Jon and Me at Mass Call, soon.

D2, to D1 and me:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=a1Rw9iT.CkZA&pos=9

Japanese men let their wives dole out pocket money to them every month

D1: absurdity. pussies!

Me: I think it's a marvellous practice (although jon holds the only atm card to our joint account) [aside: yes, we have a joint account!]

D2: At this point, [D1] will say that jon is a worthy example of all men :)

D1: what about me? I sub [my girlfriend's] credit cards. HAHAHA

Me: PUSSY

D1: [D2].. pls defend me. chloe called me a pussy!

Self-explanatory.

**
In other news, I lost Phoney!!! Left him on a cab, and when I called the cab company one hour later to find out if he was still around, they couldn't find him anymore.

I'm using PoBe's 2100 now, which he couldn't use for army because his fingers were too fat for the buttons.

My father's comment on it all?

Phonesey, dotz. Why wasn't his name Phonesey?

This, from the man who sent me about 3 Internet SMSes during the week (he was in KL, and he doesn't have a handphone) asking me how Mazzie was (please tell me you know who Mazzie is). I told him to have some respect for the departed.

"Phonesey" actually looks pretty cool though, on second thought. Kinda like you can pronounce it "Fou-Ne-See".

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

(By the way, Mazzie is our MAZda. He used to spell it "Muzzie," I don't know why he's suddenly bent on getting the names more accurate.)

I've already thought of a name for the BlackBerry we will be getting soon. Stay tuned.

Last Week

More to keep myself sane than from any great desire to have many readers, I'm going to continue blogging about random events that take place in my increasingly boring life. As you will notice, these random events are beginning to become a trifle office based, and centre around the same few idi- sorry, people.

Anyhow, last week's random event was that D, the other one (I shall call them D1 and D2 hereafter on my blog, D1 being the taller of the two; references in this post are to D2), bought a hot pink toothbrush entirely by accident and was most distressed by it thereafter because he felt that people would think he was, you know, poufy.

He really did buy it by accident. He picked it up at Cold Storage China Square, expounded at length about how he could not see himself buying a pink toothbrush, and then proceeded to the cashier with the same hot pink toothbrush in hand. None of us realised it. Really!

My, we are getting old.

P also told us, over chicken rice, about a book that he's been reading in preparation for marriage. The contents of said book are not suitable for discussion in a public forum such as this, but in short - even though it's written by Christians for Christians, as Jon pointed out when I told him about it (I could barely get the words out, I was laughing so hard): What's the difference between that and GQ?

It is good to be young and learning new and exciting things everyday (yes, refer to above paragraph on P's recent reading material). Thank God for that.

The resident Judicial Manager has also decided to leave our great company. I rang him during the week after he sent this really touching (for him) farewell email (he later told Jon some of his colleagues rang him with "tears in their eyes") and emailed him for the last time at his office email address with the lyrics of that great 张学友 classic:

若有缘， 有缘就能期待明天
我们重逢在那灿烂的季节

So long as there is fate, we will be able to look forward to tomorrow
We will meet again in that glorious season

Of course I don't believe in fate, but for the purposes of saying farewell to someone who's helped to maintain my level of sanity these past few hectic months, someone who's just as fond as I am of writing out the lyrics of Mandarin pop songs when seized by the need to doodle, it was perfect.

Judicial Manager, I will not forget the week I had lunch with you three times in a row because we had no other friends. See you again in that glorious season - when you queue up to buy fish soup for all of us because you're moving near there and the queue is always horrendously long.

Saturday Night

Jon's gone off to India, and I'm still up doing what I have to do. Don't particularly mind, though I would like to get some sleep.

Email Exchange of The Week, and Some Random Thoughts

You know how, whenever someone rings you and speaks in a whisper, you always feel obliged to reply in a whisper even though most of the time you probably don't need to?

It happens in emails too.

D: [insert piece of office gossip, typed in italics]
Me: why are you typing in italics? is it meant to represent the fact that you are telling me something in a whisper? in which case maybe it should be in small font?

Then there was the NEH NEH NEH email.

Me: have you seen this (those boysnightout and girlsnightout application forms) NEH NEH NEH
D, the other one: i read your email as have you seen this boob boob boob

Which is really -_-, if you think about it. And shows that D, the other one, is a real cheeko.

***
Anyhow, I'm going to be called to the bar in a little over a month - wah almost lawyer already, right - but just now, when I encountered a group of Cool People I Used To Know, I felt tremendously awkward, and simply couldn't bring myself to go up to them and say hi. Even though they acknowledged my presence and smiled and waved.

I felt like an insecure teenager all over again. Look at how I used the phrase "acknolwedged my presence."

I was telling D the other day when he very kindly gave me a lift home after work that I prayed before that I'd never forget how it felt to be insecure as a teenager. I prayed for that because I think it's one of the worst feelings girls go through; and then there are those who never get to feeling at ease with themselves, who usually end up being socially awkward and the ones people like to pick on. Sometimes for reasons so flimsy you know somewhere in your heart of hearts that you do it only because it makes you (me) feel better about yourself (myself). Would remembering make it easier to be kind and gracious though? I'm ashamed to say I'm not so sure anymore. More on that sometime.

Moving on to other random realisations I've had in the past week: being a lawyer is actually Totally Unglam and Uncool. And that's why I think I'm going to stick at it. Or maybe I was just blessed to get an unpretentious boss.

It's humbling, and it's good, to be reminded often of how dispensable I am in the grander scheme of things, how I'm really just an ant scurrying about my way trying not to be trodden on by some inconsiderate human (although I hate ants, the sight of what must be hundreds of them converging on some fallen crumb gives me the creeps). It helps me to look forward to heaven, and spurs me to choose to be contented with whatever comes my way.

Even after retention, the feelings of inadequacy and wanting to feel important so I can feel good about myself remain. Read: getting good work, or rather what I perceive to be "good work" to do, and having enough of it so that I have to stay back late. Feeling that my boss likes me. And why shouldn't those feelings still be there, actually? They were linked to, but still independent of my competitive spirit. Which I'm not proud of, but I'm only human after all and I do think I tried my best to entrust that part of my life to God.

I'm not sick of practice - far from it - and this is not going to be one of those "What On Earth Am I Doing With My Life?" posts. I just find these feelings I have amusing, pathetic and necessary all at once, and thought I'd share them with you. And I'm not the only one, and young lawyers aren't the only ones who feel this way. There was an article in the Sunday Times written by a young journalist who said she felt that way too. I had to work that weekend I think (there, that's a feel-good thing), and on Sunday was simply too tired to read it.

What is it people my age really want now, anyway? I can't deny that I was swayed by the posh reception areas with fancy artwork, as well as all the stereotypes people have perpetrated about lawyers. The long hours, the money, the fancy meals, sharp clothes and even sharper tongues. That sophisticated aura lawyers in TV shows always give off (yes, even Ally McBeal had it).

But there you have it. Most of the time it's not actually like that at all, and not everyone gets to do exciting, big cases and deals - things which would make me feel good about myself and my worth, if I did care to admit it. Which I just have. And you know, what I'm doing now was what I actually saw myself doing when I first decided I wanted to go to law school all the way back then. And on top of that I get to keep decent hours. Which is a miracle and a blessing, something that shows me God does care about my life and who He wants me to be.

So a contented ant I'll be, with my contented worker ant boyfriend, and I'll see you back here in a bit with pictures of us at mass call. How Very Exciting, Hor?

Feeling

Greedy and rather desirous of eating some of these, although it's surely way too hot to be consuming such copious amounts of cream cheese.

A jelly heart, by Abi

But look at that layer of strawberry jelly! And that strawberry encased in it! Hard to believe all it takes to make this is, essentially, patience. And a willingness to buy good cream cheese and digestive biscuits. The price of baking essentials is rising, when did Hershey's unsweetened cocoa powder cost more than $8?!

I love jelly, and agar-agar. And fruit in jelly and agar-agar. So healthsome, you know? Even with that much cream cheese.

***
The Kong Guan Sultana Biscuits made a comeback in the office pantry on my floor, and I spirited more than a couple of packets to my desk drawer for the days I knew they'd be short in supply (the popular biscuits always are). However, I am sad to say that my stash is gone, and I am currently lacking a suitable mid-morning snack.

Currently found in the air-tight pantry containers on my floor are the horrible fake oreos (W likes them though) and - if my memory serves me correctly - the even more awful banana cream ones (W also likes these, I think. I suspect she likes all Kong Guan biscuits. Or just biscuits in general, really). The pantry on D's and L's floor has the sugar speckled ones with a thin layer of chocolate cream which aren't half bad.

Isn't it sad that the most exciting thing I have to tell you about my life now are the biscuits in the pantry?

I'm currently blogging from Jon's phone; we're out at the house of one of his best friends and I'm sitting next to him quietly listening to him talk to his friends and willing webpages to load faster so I can surf the web more efficiently. No, I'm not unhappy or anything - in fact I kinda like sitting in the background observing things and seeing Jon happy.

All in, it's been a pretty good CNY and Valentine's Day. Could've been better in some parts - especially the part where I skidded while rollerblading and got horrible road rash just below my bum. Thank God it's healing well though.

Man U has almost finished playing Everton (and losing to them, what were the odds?!) so I shall end here for now. Happy Birthday everyone! It's the seventh day of the new year, everyone's birthday.

Chicken Soup for the Soul-ish Post. You were warned!
I went for a pedicure with Aunti L almost immediately after work today. And because I didn't have slippers with me, the shop gave me a bright pink sponge pair with a wedge, which I wore all the way home.

When I got home, I watched the remaining moments of The Pupil with my mother, and then I exercised while continuing my re-watch of My Girl.

Life is Good.

I learnt something valuable yesterday, so I'm going to share it with you. It'll definitely sound cliched, but nevermind, okay? Some things can't be said any other way, such are the limitations of the English language.

GLCC's having an outreach for Chinese construction workers come Sunday morning, and because the pianist of choice (Jon) can't make weekday rehearsals, it has fallen on not-very-proficient me to play the finicky Chinese songs D decided we would sing this year, because the skit is set in China and is about the return home of siblings in a family from - you guessed it! - Singapore.

We had a rehearsal yesterday, and of course, being lazy, I hadn't practised and had to valiantly sight-read/bulldoze my way through the songs.

A bit of background's needed. SG, who's overall in charge of music for Chinese ministry events, is much feared by Jon and myself, although she's a really nice person. This is because she's a piano teacher by profession, and boy is she sticky about songs which have proper towgay arrangements.

She's given up on Jon, but she hasn't given up on me - yet. Soon, I hope, she will let me have free rein with the songs and I will be able to la-di-da my way through by just improvising on the chords.

Rehearsals usually leave me feeling like I've come from a piano lesson with a very strict piano teacher.

So there I was, hitting those plastics (as in, I would say ivories, but it was an electric piano) with fear and trepidation, when it suddenly dawned on me that I'd much rather be there being scolded by SG than in office.

You must understand - and this will be the first time I'm going to blog so openly about work - that sometimes I actually feel like I want to have to stay back in the office because I have things to do. Strange, but true, and I bet if I threw a stone into a roomful of my classmates, I'd hit someone who felt the exact same way as me.

And it flows logically from that that sometimes I feel insecure about myself when I don't have to stay back late at work.

Now you see why coming to the above conclusion was a really big deal for me. And when I talked to my mum about things later that night, she said, What really matters in the end is God's approval. That's not to say we shouldn't work hard and do our best (okay, duh, chicken soup moment!), but there are so many other things we can and should do with our lives, so much more to live for (there, two chicken soup moments in one sentence).

I hope and pray I'll be able to keep these thoughts at the forefront of my mind, because, believe it or not, it's not easy to do so. Like many other legal concepts, they're counter-intuitive.

Looking forward to Valentine's Day, and hearts :)

Mandopop Madness

If you've read Monday's papers (yes, I actually read the local newspapers!) then you'd have read all John Lui (or was it Boon Chan?) had to say about the A*mei (I refuse to call her Amit until I really, really have to) concert.

I hate to say this, but I did agree with the part where he wrote about wishing for a pair of earplugs at certain points. However, other than that, it was

Absolutely AWESOME!

I hope she comes back as A*mei proper the next time. But you know, I've come to know and love her voice and the magic she brings to her songs so well that all the rock stuff didn't matter. She was just good old A*mei, the one who brought much comfort and colour to my lonely days in Beijing.

Some of the highlights included the entire Indoor Stadium yelling "IT'S BULLSH*T!" at the top of their lungs to 黑吃黑, and seeing all those lightsticks winking in the dark. Also finding out that Jon had actually set his alarm for 10 a.m. the day SISTIC opened ticket sales, just so we could get good seats - which we did.

Touching stuff.

And seeing Chin Yuan, who brought his mother to the concert. He, who never expected, knowing me in JC, that I'd one day be SMS-ing him excitedly about an A*mei concert, of all things.

I'm really glad I was introduced to this whole new world though. It's brought so much to my life.

Not least, discovering my inner Ah Lian.

Mind you, I did not know all the lyrics to her fast songs.

Some I knew lah. But, I repeat, not all.

Last Week

1. I found out that D, who attended Chinese schools for most of his school life, save for university, could not remember how to write 责任 (ze2 ren4) - which means responsibility. You can draw whatever inferences you like from that.

2. I burst a big pimple on my chin while standing in the queue to enter Butter Factory - what's more, it was my first time there. What a way to mark the occasion.

Much Good Part 3, and Exchange of the Week

I've been having some serious issues with Microsoft Word this past week - and I mean serious.

***
D: Hey I sent you already - I didn't change much of it, I just made it so the descriptions at the top of the table appear at the top of every page of the table.

Me: Wow! How do you do that? Can you tell me so I can do it, cause I was editing one version before you sent me this one and I don't want to have re-edit the thing.

D: Just press F1!

Me (suspiciously): Really? Don't bluff me! Or I'll be very sad.

D: Yes yes! Just press F1! Really!

Me: Ok! I'm going to do it now! (proceeds to press F1)

AND. . .

The Microsoft Word HELP dialog box appears on the screen.

D took enough pity on me in the end to tell me how to do it though.

Lenny runs Word 2007 and I'm having difficulties figuring out how to do it on that (so I can impart this useful knowledge to you, in case you didn't know how to). Our office computers run Word 2003, and I think it's one of the options under Tools but I'm not sure.

If you aren't either, and you desperately need to know - just press F1.

Lessons Learnt

Channel 8 seems to have learnt its lesson after The Little Nyonya - I tuned in to Together just now, and caught what must be Channel 8's cheesiest proposal scene ever.

But at least I had the satisfaction of seeing Jeanette Aw and Dai Yang Tian happy. Rumour has it that this happiness doesn't last till the end of the show though - fingers crossed! Come on Channel 8, you must have learnt your lesson already.

If you didn't watch it, Too Bad. I'm currently watching America's Got Talent with my mother and we're slamming the contestants. Not their performances, but their fakey pre-performance videos, complete with brave blinking away of tears from clear blue/green eyes.

The news of the night is that they've (whoever they are) remixed the London Choco Roll song! They've gotten rid of that weird gymnast ribbon act that accompanied it, and it's been replaced with happy family scenes.

Looks like Channel 8's not the only one who's learnt its lesson.

Happy New Year!

Parts of the world are currently in chaos.

But right here in this good ol' "prime residential area" (I'm being sarcastic here!), that's not actually in the middle of Singapore, some Very Cheeky Monkeys decided to hotfoot it over and clamber over my neighbours' gates, fences and rooftops just for fun.

One of my neighbours decided that he didn't mind standing practically in the middle of our street waving his (Rather Expensive Looking) golf club at them.

And making very loud PSHAW and PSHOO noises at the same time.

I wonder what he does for a living, his house is pretty big.

Also, I got conned by two fat boys selling Magnolia ice-cream door to door, ostensibly to help their ailing, cancer-stricken mother.

Well, I'm not sure I really got conned - isn't it awful to lie about your very own mother being ailing and cancer-stricken?

Everyone in my family made fun of me though. PoBe's comments took the cake:

YOU GULLIBLE CLOWN!

You're mad, i swear, too nice already.

HOW TO BE LAWYER LIKE THAT?!

I was touched, though, when my father specially came up to me after we got home from dinner to tell me not to become cynical.

Happy New Year, from the monkeys and me and the two fat con-boys.

Reflections
(Ugh, what a maudlin title)

Watching Jon and his friends - lawyers (to be), accountants, traders etc. - scoff potato chips by the fistful like a bunch of pre-pubescent boys just after we counted down to 2010 looks set to become a cherished memory, just about on par with the time B and I scarfed down leftover Bakerzin blueberry cheesecake with reckless abandon a little too late at night.

I didn't eat any potato chips, oh no! Which gave me a Pleasantly Virtuous And Smug Feeling.

I have also decided that peer pressure hits harder as you grow older, but there aren't any "Beware of Peer Pressure" talks for adults because that's like, you know, such a teenage thing to have to deal with? And we're like, all adults now, right?

The legal profession is an extremely humbling one. There are so many things to learn all the time, so many possibilities to consider. And contrary to popular belief, the majority of senior lawyers actually work really hard. So I'd appreciate it if you did away with the bad lawyer jokes and stereotypes in 2010. Not that The Pupil's going to be much help. Sometimes I wish Channel 5 would stop making such asses of u and me (there goes the "assume" joke, in case you didn't realise).

Awaiting the results of the Dawson ballot with bated breath! Please join Jon and myself in praying every night that we'll get a flat - and that N and J will too, so at least we can be sure of at least one set of lovely neighbours.

***
I leave you with a profound piece of literature to start the New Year:

"Ow!" cried Pooh. "You're hurting!"

"The fact is," said Rabbit, "you're stuck."

"It all comes," said Pooh crossly, "of not having front doors big enough."

"It all comes," said Rabbit sternly, "of eating too much. I thought at the time," said Rabbit, "only I didn't like to say anything," said Rabbit, "that one of us was eating too much," said Rabbit, "and I knew it wasn't me," he said.

- Winnie the Pooh, A.A. Milne