banana fritters and the like: actually i don't really like goreng pisang
rui and i were talking about boyfriends today, just before i left school to go home for dinner. and on the way back in the bus and during the walk back to my house from the bus stop (i stopped at esso on the way in to buy a starhub pre-paid card top-up card - quite a waste of plastic this is turning out to be, even though zac efron's likeness is printed on them) it came to me quite clearly and suddenly that what jon and i have is precious; too precious to be frittered away on fearing and worrying that things will go wrong, that we'll lose each other.
a comforting, peaceful thought plucked out of the cold rain-fied twilight air, like the drops of rain which fall from the trees when the wind blows through them after a shower.
so that was something to be thankful for today. truly, all things fall into place when we turn our eyes upon Jesus.
i love going back to church on saturdays. everyone dresses down, and it was nice to see a certain old couple (who shall remain unnamed) who probably don't have informal clothes doing so. the wife was dressed in one of her tweed pant suits and the husband in a long-sleeved shirt and pants. but she wore birkenstocks, not her usual court shoes, and he wore a pair of rather lok-kok sandals.
i'm glad, too, that i chose to make the sacrifice and sing with the dawnbreakers - there's nothing like seeing old, old couples holding hands, kneeling at the altar rails and praying together. it makes me tear sometimes, and it gives me hope because i'm reminded of how much God blesses those who love Him above all else, reminded of how He has promised that His love will see jon and i through.
it hasn't always been easy, these past few weeks, and i don't know how it's going to be for the months to come. but i do feel that i've matured a little since jon left, and that we've somehow arrived somewhere today.
i'm learning to find security in God, learning what it is to truly love: i think it does entail letting go, in a way, because ultimately we all belong to Him. and it's only when He's writing your love story that you can be sure come what may, He will make everything beautiful in His time. no matter if there are tears and insomnia along the way which no amount of dark, dark chocolate can cure (well, maybe it can).
i've found that trying to keep up with jon's life in india and trying to make him live my life with me back here just made me terribly unhappy, put unnecessary pressure on the both of us, and distracted me from what was important (and wonderful, and a blessing) for us.
like how we should actually enjoy being so far away from each other (what an adventure), and be affirmed as we miss each other more with each passing day that this is truly meant to be. there ain't gonna be no being apart next time, there'll just be the both of us, weird toilet, sleeping habits and all. undone laundry, bills to pay, ants on the kitchen counter that refuse to go away no matter that you're practically asphyxiated yourself spraying baygone at them.
also, i've come to see that just because we don't "exchange information" everyday it means we're growing apart - on the contrary, it probably means we're growing closer and anyway, that's not what real communication's about. and we both agreed when he left that this was to be time meaningfully used for God. if i'm not going to accept it for the wonderful blessing that it is, i'm not going to be able to see Him working in our lives.
now that's not going to be worth missing out on.
joel (jon's second brother) came to church yesterday bearing a hello panda multi-pack, for me because i was so sad that jon's away. and my lovely abibobeeboo very kindly acceded to my request that she write me a letter of encouragement, which was chock full of bible verses and all and reminded me to strive to be a better person for Christ and to shine like the light in the universe that i ought to be now that it is no longer i who live but He that lives in me.
i've decided to crash a certain evidence professor's tutorial tomorrow morning at 0900. it's almost 2300, i have to prepare for it now.
rui and i were talking about boyfriends today, just before i left school to go home for dinner. and on the way back in the bus and during the walk back to my house from the bus stop (i stopped at esso on the way in to buy a starhub pre-paid card top-up card - quite a waste of plastic this is turning out to be, even though zac efron's likeness is printed on them) it came to me quite clearly and suddenly that what jon and i have is precious; too precious to be frittered away on fearing and worrying that things will go wrong, that we'll lose each other.
a comforting, peaceful thought plucked out of the cold rain-fied twilight air, like the drops of rain which fall from the trees when the wind blows through them after a shower.
so that was something to be thankful for today. truly, all things fall into place when we turn our eyes upon Jesus.
i love going back to church on saturdays. everyone dresses down, and it was nice to see a certain old couple (who shall remain unnamed) who probably don't have informal clothes doing so. the wife was dressed in one of her tweed pant suits and the husband in a long-sleeved shirt and pants. but she wore birkenstocks, not her usual court shoes, and he wore a pair of rather lok-kok sandals.
i'm glad, too, that i chose to make the sacrifice and sing with the dawnbreakers - there's nothing like seeing old, old couples holding hands, kneeling at the altar rails and praying together. it makes me tear sometimes, and it gives me hope because i'm reminded of how much God blesses those who love Him above all else, reminded of how He has promised that His love will see jon and i through.
it hasn't always been easy, these past few weeks, and i don't know how it's going to be for the months to come. but i do feel that i've matured a little since jon left, and that we've somehow arrived somewhere today.
i'm learning to find security in God, learning what it is to truly love: i think it does entail letting go, in a way, because ultimately we all belong to Him. and it's only when He's writing your love story that you can be sure come what may, He will make everything beautiful in His time. no matter if there are tears and insomnia along the way which no amount of dark, dark chocolate can cure (well, maybe it can).
i've found that trying to keep up with jon's life in india and trying to make him live my life with me back here just made me terribly unhappy, put unnecessary pressure on the both of us, and distracted me from what was important (and wonderful, and a blessing) for us.
like how we should actually enjoy being so far away from each other (what an adventure), and be affirmed as we miss each other more with each passing day that this is truly meant to be. there ain't gonna be no being apart next time, there'll just be the both of us, weird toilet, sleeping habits and all. undone laundry, bills to pay, ants on the kitchen counter that refuse to go away no matter that you're practically asphyxiated yourself spraying baygone at them.
also, i've come to see that just because we don't "exchange information" everyday it means we're growing apart - on the contrary, it probably means we're growing closer and anyway, that's not what real communication's about. and we both agreed when he left that this was to be time meaningfully used for God. if i'm not going to accept it for the wonderful blessing that it is, i'm not going to be able to see Him working in our lives.
now that's not going to be worth missing out on.
joel (jon's second brother) came to church yesterday bearing a hello panda multi-pack, for me because i was so sad that jon's away. and my lovely abibobeeboo very kindly acceded to my request that she write me a letter of encouragement, which was chock full of bible verses and all and reminded me to strive to be a better person for Christ and to shine like the light in the universe that i ought to be now that it is no longer i who live but He that lives in me.
i've decided to crash a certain evidence professor's tutorial tomorrow morning at 0900. it's almost 2300, i have to prepare for it now.
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