Before we had Andrew, I spent too much time thinking about how he would be “so poor thing” because I was already plotting my return to work when he was 2 months old (didn’t happen), and I wouldn’t be spending as much time with him as I did with Daniel in his first year, etc. Plus the parenting books (not that I read any, but I have heard this advice from various friends) all advocate putting your firstborn’s needs first whenever possible, because they are more likely to remember feeling slighted and left out. This I agree with, and have put into practice. I don’t think I’m alone in having these thoughts, but it struck me recently that being No. 2 is actually not that bad. So here is my list of reasons why being No. 2 is not “so poor thing” after all, or, “An Exposé on The Extent of Our Derelict Parenting Methods”
1. You are read to from a young age
Before Daniel turned one-and-a-half or so, I was forever worrying (amongst 1001 other things) about whether I was reading to him enough. My mother would go on about “instilling good reading habits from young”; various articles posted by friends on Facebook advocated the same thing. I grew up reading lots of books (I wish I had time to read as much I used to), and I’m all for Daniel and Andrew growing up to enjoy the pleasures of literature.
But have you ever tried reading to an infant who is more interested in squirming around, doesn’t pay attention to you, is more interested in trying to eat the pages of the book you are reading, and generally doesn’t appear to GAF about the effort you are putting in to do the voices for the different characters?
Thankfully, despite my lack of motivation to read to him before he started showing a genuine interest in books, Daniel now enjoys listening to stories and keeps asking us to read to him*, which means that Andrew benefits from this. When he is listening and looking at the pictures in the books, that is. Which lasts maybe 5 minutes max, before he starts cruising around in his cot and whining to be let out so he can eat the pages of the book we are reading.
*We recently discovered the Usborne Farmyard Tales series of books, which is sold at NTUC. Something possessed me to purchase The Old Steam Train for Daniel during a recent trip to the supermarket, and he’s now obsessed with collecting the ones featuring trains and tractors (there are a few, and there are thumbnail images of the front covers of all the books on the inside of the back cover). The books are apparently tailored specially for small children in terms of language, and to make things more interesting, there are small yellow ducks “hiding” on every page.
They must also be the most deathly boring series of books known to Parentkind. Sometimes, to amuse ourselves, Husband and I will translate the text to Chinese on the spot as we are reading. So “Apple Tree Farm”, where the farmer, Mrs Boot (鞋太太, because we don’t know what “boot” is in Chinese) and her two children Poppy (波比) and Sam (沙母) live is “苹果树农场”. Yesterday, we decided that Rusty, their dog, should be referred to as “生锈狗狗”. There is a Mr Boot (鞋先生) as well, but he seems to be working very hard in the fields or driving the old steam train (the story is about how it and the village’s station were refurbished, presumably to promote tourism). Or whatever it is he does for a living.
2. You get to watch TV way earlier than No. 1
Yay, lucky Andrew. That being said, I am all for no screen time. Daniel rarely watches anything on our mobile phones (the only exception being when he had to be nebbed for about 10 days last year), and I have forbidden Husband from purchasing a tablet. All shows are watched on TV, which is why we only ever seem to be watching Dinotrux and have to wait for Paw Patrol to come on (but from the few episodes we have managed to catch, Dinotrux FTW). When I’m cooking or doing other miscellaneous household chores, I usually stick Andrew in his cot in the living room (Daniel sits on the sofa) and turn on Dinotrux.
But what I realised from my experience with Daniel is that up to a certain age, maybe two plus plus, they don’t really bother about what’s going on on TV either. Daniel only started properly paying attention to Dinotrux maybe a month or two ago (he’s about 2 years and 8 months old), and even then, he sometimes loses interest about halfway through an episode (maybe because we’ve watched them all at least 5 times?) and starts playing with his wooden blocks and Duplo, or comes to the kitchen demanding to eat “bingcuits” (饼干 + biscuits. My child is clearly a genius, and putting the bilingual education much vaunted by his childcare to good use). Andrew just looks at the TV screen for 5 minutes max, then goes back to cruising around his cot and whining to be let out so he can get at Daniel’s toys and the remote controls to chew them (does anyone else sense a theme around here?).
I’m not saying we should just throw the AAP’s recommendations regarding children and screen time out the window, but it hasn’t been all that bad for us so far. Daniel sometimes has minor tantrums when I say we cannot watch anymore Dinotrux (usually after 3-4 episodes, each is around 20 minutes) or I tell him I want to watch another show (he really has no interest at all in the cooking shows or Korean dramas) but like all other children, is easily distracted and believes in the power of “Tomowwoe?”
3. The composition of your gut flora gets more complex much sooner
I used to make feeble efforts at wiping down high chairs in restaurants before Daniel sat in them. With Andrew, I don’t even try. He is also finally teething and regularly puts toys and the remote controls (see point above) in his mouth. I washed all the toys with Dettol after we had HFMD, but not since then, and definitely not on a regular basis (you may not want to touch the toys in our house when you come over).
While this has led to a bit of diarrhea – though less often and in much less quantities than before – I console myself with S’s observation that the bacterial composition in his intestines is improving, and he is building immunity. This seems to be somewhat true, or it could be due to the Intestinal Quality (I.Q.) of Similac*.
*I only realised some months after Daniel started Stage 3 formula (one year plus) that I.Q. stood for “Intestinal Quality”. I blame the teddy bear in a graduation cap and gown.
But frankly speaking, do the research (the Internet may generally be anti-formula feeding but there are some good resources if you can get through all the vitriol of the first few hits), read and compare the ingredients list, and make a choice! Advertising, schadvertising.
4. There is more “equal parenting” (i.e. time with Daddy)
Faced with the prospect of a toddler yelling for Mummy and banging on his bedroom door at bedtime, or sitting in a darkened room letting a 9-month-old crawl around your bed tiring himself out, most fathers would wisely choose the latter option and allow their wives to get on with putting the toddler to bed. Same principles apply to just about any other family activity, which means No. 2 gets to spend a more balanced amount of time with both parents.
I don’t expect this to last that much longer because Andrew is already showing signs of wanting me to put him to bed as well, and is at times unhappy when I hand him over to Husband, but I think Husband has spent a lot more time with him than he did with Daniel at the same age. Granted, I was a SAHM for a year with Daniel, but overall, Andrew seems much happier to be with Husband than Daniel was at the same age.
5. Milking your cute fatness for what it’s worth
Lastly, there will be a period of time where you can just sit around looking cute and fat, and all you have to do is break out in random smiles at opportune moments, to elicit looks of love and copious hugs from your parents. You will observe, in comparison, that your parents seem to be perpetually telling your older sibling off for some misdemeanour or other, and bask smugly in your cute fatness. This actually brings about its own set of problems for your parents, who must make an extra effort to affirm your older sibling and make sure they don’t feel like they are always being scolded whilst you get all the cuddles, but you should enjoy it while it lasts, because your turn will come one day, someday soon.